On (Not) Letting Go

imageHaving read, and liked, Jonathan Kozol’s previous books Rachel and Her Children and Amazing Grace, I looked forward to reading his recent medical memoir The Theft of Memory: Losing My Father One Day at a Time (New York: Broadway Books, 2015).

While there were parts of the book that I appreciated, including Kozol’s candidness about the relative loneliness of his life and his reasons for wanting to extend his father’s life as long as possible even after Alzheimer’s disease had ravaged his father’s mind and body, overall the book was frustrating to read. It felt as if it had been written in a hurry and not edited carefully. For instance, there were frequent awkward and overly long (as in six to seven lines in length) sentences that detracted from the story. And I really did not care at all about the long sections of the book pertaining to Eugene O’Neill and his family and personal dramas. It felt more than unethical for Kozol to have mined his psychiatrist father’s notes pertaining to his patients, including O’Neill.

Kozol comes across in this book as an overly-privileged and entitled man who blames all of his father’s doctors for under and mis-treatment of his father’s health conditions. He does on occasion show some self-insight, as in this passage: “At some level, I think I was aware that selfish motivations of my own might very likely be at stake in the decisions I was making. …As nonresponsive as he often was, and physically enfeebled as he had becomes, I could not escape the crazy thought that I still needed him.” p. 151. That part of the book, a look inside the decision-making process for a family member such as Kozol who defies medical advice and staunchly fights for his father’s life to be medically extended as long as possible, made it a worthwhile read. That is a mindset that I do not understand, both as a medical provider and as a family member. Having read this book, I do have greater insight and compassion for people who hang on to their loved one’s lives far past what would appear to be prudent.

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